Amherst Community Church

Guidelines for Managing Conflict

Jesus commanded his followers to love one another as he has first loved us; the church is expected to follow this command.

Loving one another, however, is not to suggest that Jesus’ followers will always agree with each other. Rather, it is often because of love for one another and for Jesus that conflict occurs within the church. Sometimes this is uncomfortable, sometimes even painful. Always , though, the church should seek not to eliminate conflict, but to manage conflict in a loving manner .

Because Jesus anticipated that conflicts would arise, he also gave us clear guidelines for managing conflict. These are outlined in Matthew 18:15-20:

“If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

These Guidelines for Managing Conflict are based on Jesus’ words about “loving one another” and the guidelines outlined in the gospel of Matthew. We begin by recognizing that conflict is a natural consequence of being the church of God and, therefore, should not be ignored or denied but rather dealt with openly, honestly and with integrity. Because Jesus has commanded us to love one another, we strive to manage conflict in a loving manner so as to be considerate of people’s feelings, opinions and differences.

As a result, these principles are followed:

1. When conflict arises, individuals are encouraged first to try to work through the conflict directly with each other. This discourages talking behind another’s back, the spreading or hearing of rumors, and the dissemination of inaccurate or misleading information. Leaders and members are called to encourage each other in this behavior.

2. If someone feels too shy, intimidated or fearful to meet with another individual directly, or if the person has already done so without success, then the person is encouraged to invite another member or two to join in the conversation with the other individual. (It may be helpful for the other individual to have a support person present, too.) This often helps facilitate communication, understanding, accuracy and a loving approach.

3. If someone does not wish to confront the person directly or with another, the person may choose to ask another member to carry the concern to the other person. This, however, will never be done anonymously. Anonymity produces confusion and misunderstanding, and does not allow for resolution. Anonymity should not be confused with confidentiality. Confidentiality is honored between one individual and another and should never be broken; therefore, the names of the individual as well as the content of the conversation should never be carried further. Thus, it is inappropriate for someone to say, “Someone is complaining about ______ but asked me to keep their name confidential.” That is an issue not of confidentiality, but of anonymity. Confidentiality will be honored; anonymity will not. If something is confidential, it should not be discussed further, ever!

4. If a concern is still not resolved, it is then appropriate to bring it to the Church Council, either in person or by letter. Again, no such concerns will be considered anonymously. Letters of concern, or a request to address the Council, should be submitted to the President of the Council at least two days in advance of the next meeting so that it can be shared ahead of time with anyone directly affected by the concern. This is to ensure that individuals affected are given ample time to prepare a response. It may also allow for resolution to occur or begin to occur before the Council meeting.

5. Written letters and oral conversation should always keep in mind Jesus’ command to “love one another.”

6. Upon hearing or reading the concern, the Council may choose to refer the matter to a committee or appoint representatives to meet with the concerned individual(s). If the Council believes that these concerns reflect the thoughts of a number of people, they may be raised and discussed during a town meeting (an informal meeting for discussion, not voting). Ultimately the Council may choose to bring the concern to the congregation for a formal decision, to a Conference representative, or to an outside individual who can facilitate conflict management. These later possibilities would generally be of last resort.

7. All conflict situations should be undergirded by prayer and consider the question, “What would Jesus do in this situation or, what would Jesus want us to do in this situation?”

Jesus said, “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”
It is our expectation that this promise is most certainly true.

June 2007